Figure out the Sea

“Happiness is”…

You know, I haven’t used that word in a while, and really meant it. “Happy” is a big word, but I do feel… good. Better than I used to be. For the first time in a long while, I feel like my career is in motion, and with it, the rest of my life.

All that and strawberry shortcake crepes. Good thing I’m also going back to the gym! And I could make a crack about getting a Pride body, but fuck that noise. Body pride, not Pride body.

But speaking of bodies, I did something a bit unusual this week. On Thursday I attended a Pride reading series at the Jim Deva Plaza—a nice little event celebrating LGBTQ+ literature. Pride isn’t just about parades and parties! This event was MC’d by Cicely-Belle Blain of Black Lives Matter Vancouver and Qmunity, and I had the urge to take a picture. Which I then posted, after asking their permission. Photographing people, that’s a pretty new thing for me, especially strangers. It’s a lot more interactivity than usually I let myself get into.

Friday, Bastille Day, the day before my own birthday, I attended a birthday dinner up at SFU. My gawd, the place has changed since the last time I saw it—2004, maybe? Development all over the place, even a new observatory. Jupiter was there to greet us, though I didn’t look at it through a telescope. I’d done that before and to be honest, it wasn’t as inspiring as I thought it’d be. So I was happy with the twilight sky and little Jupiter shining over the AQ.

Afterwards some of us went for a walk around and under the AQ, and I felt on more familiar ground. I drove some friends to the nearest SkyTrain station… and then instead of going home, I hauled ass back up the mountain. When would I get another chance to reminisce like this?

My first stop, of course, was the Applied Sciences Building, where I spent so much time between ’96 and ’99. Hasn’t changed much at all, as far as I could see. I think the couches layout has been tweaked, and I could have sworn there used to be photos of all the profs and staff, but that seems to be gone. Pity, I would have have liked to see how Fred Popovich, my supervisor, was doing. (He’s still around, actually.)

Naturally I couldn’t get to my old desk. That section, next to the upstairs grad computing lab, was (and evidently still is) behind keycard-controlled doors.

Next: quietly ambling down the AQ, 3rd level. That part hasn’t changed much either, except for maybe more vending machines? Plus a couple new concession stands. And desks where students could burn the midnight oil on a Friday night.

The Convocation Mall was all dressed up, with chairs and tables. What was the occasion? Graduation was long over, wasn’t it?

And then, my second main destination: the Transportation Complex, housing SF-PIRG and Out On Campus. And holy cow, OOC was still there, right where I left it, at TC 314N. Amazing… but maybe I shouldn’t be amazed. It’s great real estate: a nice space with a little lobby for picking up pamphlets and whatnot, right next to SFPIRG and the Women’s Centre.

And that’s when I went home, tired but happy to have strolled down memory lane.

Day 195/365: clouds and Jupiter #dailypic

A post shared by Nicolas Demers (@npatrickd2504) on Jul 14, 2017 at 11:23pm PDT

I’m still feeling lost and unrooted. A new job, a more challenging job in many ways, but I know it’ll be so much more rewarding. Even now, I’m in a better than I was… but it’s still hard. Imposter syndrome was hitting me hard, and though it’s lessened, I don’t expect it’ll go away soon. I understand what it is, I understand it’s an irrational reaction. This too shall pass.

And then there’s all the little details, like where to eat: I was going to the same lunch place for years week in, week out—and don’t get me wrong, they’ve totally earned my loyalty, but I’m a creature of habit and I’ve been spoiled. So I must strike out on my own, find a new good place. Or find many good places; this is f***ing downtown Vancouver, after all, not North Van. I have many more options available here.

Not all those options are good, though. One of them gave me indigestion (or something) Thursday night, which kind of ruined the last day of my first week, but there you go. It’s all part of the game.

Photography-wise, I feel like I’m starting from scratch. My days (and my evenings) are in the more populous downtown core, not Davie Village, Lions’ Gate Bridge, or North Van. The stress and insecurities of the new job are also probably not helping with the whole creativity thing… So looking back, it kind of feels like a lot of “safe” shots, you know what I mean? City shots. Alleys. The Gabriola Mansion. The only one that really speaks to me is the public art piece by Jen Brisson near Harbour Centre.

Ah well. I’m still in-between. I’ll get my bearings soon.

It’s been 50 days, folks.

It’s been a weird 50 days. First, the last bit of our Europe trip:

Day 136 was a tour of various Dutch towns: Delft, Rotterdam and The Hague. My special pic for that day was a look from the top of the New Church bell tower (New Church, started in 1396. The nearby Old Church was started in 1246. Gotta recalibrate your sense of what’s old in places like this). This was not nearly as much fun as the Bruges belfry escapade 8 days before. The New Church tower staircase was narrow and steep, the day was hot, and the top of it? Wide open. Instead of a safely contained space that let us take great photos through nicely solid windows, we dealt with a narrow balcony-like structure that went about 3/4 of the way round. Fucking hell. Martin and I spent just a couple minutes taking a few photos and hightailed it back to Terra Firma.

Day 136/365: View from the New Church tower, looking south. Overlooking the Old Church. #dailypic because this pic is gorgeous and also physically+emotionally harrowing

A post shared by Nicolas Demers (@npatrickd2504) on May 16, 2017 at 1:54pm PDT

Delft was quite a lovely place, but I think I would have enjoyed it more if the weather wasn’t so bloody hot. Rotterdam and The Hague were quite nice too; Rotterdam is too modern a city to get much of a feel for, and we just didn’t spend enough time in The Hague. Also my phone died, so I couldn’t take photos of the royal palace, parliament and other landmarks. Oh well.

The following day we stayed in town, checking out some more of what Amsterdam has to offer: the Artis Zoo, the Portuguese Synagogue, and the Tropenmuseum. All good stuff, but nothing really super-grabbed me. Though now that I think about it, the synagogue was pretty special. Never been in one before, you see, and it’s a fascinating look at a place that’s kind of like a church, but also kind of not like any church I know.

Our last full day in Amsterdam, we spent at the Rijksmuseum. It is an absolutely amazing place, full of the most amazing works of art you’ve ever seen. I had the hardest time deciding which should be my daily pic (The Night Watch? too cliché) so I instead decided on a view of a little garden outside, near a statue of Mercury. I’d originally planned to come back later, photograph Mercury against a dramatic setting sun backdrop, but that was a total fail. The little park closed when the museum closed (6PM) and the angle was all wrong anyway. Well, it was worth a shot.

Day 138/365: tulips outside the Rijksmuseum. I’m really going to miss this place #dailypic

A post shared by Nicolas Demers (@npatrickd2504) on May 18, 2017 at 11:45am PDT

And that later trip wasn’t wasted time, either. On this last day, I finally worked up the nerve to visit a gay bar. It was still super-early and there were only 2 people there, so I drank a soda for 20 minutes, briefly chatted with the bartender, and left.

And then… back to Vancouver. Back to the routine and a job I was increasingly dissatisfied with. My head wasn’t in a great place. But, there was hope. I’d been talking to a couple of recruiters before the trip, and then I spoke to a couple more. One prospect moved from “send us your resume” to “phone interview with HR” to “in-person technical interview” to “we’re making you an offer” in the space of just a couple weeks.

Meantime I kept taking photos. My blogging might have fallen off, but my photography didn’t. Some of my faves from that period were: a closeup of some flower or other, a shot of a gorgeous rose by the Mole Hill houses, the sun going down on Sunset Beach, and that time a ladybug landed on my WordCamp t-shirt. I just had time to turn my phone on myself before it flew away.

And then, on July 4, day 185: my first day at the new position. The end of an era… and the beginning of another. This is a good place, and I think I have a future here. It’s been a while since I’ve felt positive about my career. But hey! Better late than never.

Day 185/365: this seems like a nice place #newjob #dailypic

A post shared by Nicolas Demers (@npatrickd2504) on Jul 4, 2017 at 12:21pm PDT

These five days cover the last couple days of our stay in Belgium and the first couple of our stay in the Netherlands. And I think they include some of the most amazing and memorable things I’ve seen in Europe.

On May 11 we headed into the mountainous(ish) south, to the quaint little town of Han-sur-Lesse. Picturesque as it was, the town wasn’t the real attraction: that would be the awesome cave system (about 3M years old, and last visited by me 38 years ago) plus a semi-wild nature preserve. I took many awesome photos in those caves, but none of them really stood out. What did, was a gorgeous panorama of the countryside. A little part of me is still torn: I could have used a more “sciency” kind of photo, seeing as it was a sciency kind of day, and panoramas like that are hardly unique. But what can I say? This was the sight that really moved me.

Footnote: the cave has changed a bit since we last visited. One chamber that used to house a snacky restaurant place complete with tables, is now used for a big sound and light show. And to end the tour we’d all float along in little boats out the cave mouth; that’s stopped now since they discovered evidence, at the bottom of the river, that humans used these caves long ago (4,000 years, I think?).

On the 12th we capped off our stay in Belgium with a tour of Antwerp. Amongst the sights was the amazing Plantin-Moretus museum, housed in what used to be the private home of 16th century printer Christophe Plantin and his stupendously rich descendants. It’s a great place if you want to look at how Golden Age rich folks lived, see how the whole printing business worked, and enjoy some samples of old-school printed art. One that stood out for me was a sonnet written by Plantin himself, entitled Le Bonheur de ce Monde. Plantin was a humanist, and though still religious, he seemed very much focused on this world instead of the next one. This was a time when people were starting to question a lot of things, and the rising merchant middle class was challenging the power of the church.

On the 13th we relocated to Amsterdam. Honestly, Amsterdam and the Netherlands are what I was most looking forward to: sure, Belgium had history, but did they have windmills, canals, and all sorts of cool stuff? Plus it was brand new to me! After checking in I snapped a picture of the street, and… there was Amsterdam in a nutshell: the busy crowd, the bikes, the cool old houses, everything. It was perfect.

The next day wasn’t so inspiring, photo-wise. We stayed in the city, visiting the Amsterdam History Museum (very awesome) and the Maritime Museum (pretty good). We would also have gone to the Anne Frank house, except it turns out you have to reserve tickets months in advance. Too bad! I took some good photos, but nothing that really grabbed me. It’s only when I went out on my own after dinner that I saw the houseboats. All right, I know it’s silly, but wouldn’t living on a houseboat in an Amsterdam canal be kind of awesome? The legal ones get water and electricity from the city, so just add internet and I’d be all set. Dare to dream!

On the 15th we went on a guided tour north of the city, visiting a heritage village with windmills, then Edam where they make cheese (also, clogs), then the fishing village of Volendam. And for the first time in a long while I had my daily pic all planned out: it would be a selfie, with windmills in the background. I went through maybe a dozen tries with different angles, different windmills, with and without my hat, until I got one complete with the Dutch flag! Gorgeous. Sure, I was squinting a bit, but my selfie standards aren’t high.

PS: can I just take a moment to gush about Amsterdam ferries? They’re completely free, no tickets or anything! They’re a service provided by the city, just like roads bike paths and whatnot. Now that’s good city government right there.

On Saturday, day 126, I left Canada for the first time in almost 19 years, and travelled to Europe for the first time in almost 34.

(Yeah, I haven’t travelled much in my life. I want that to change.)

It was a big step, not gonna lie. I was super nervous about whether there would turn out to be some problem somewhere or everything would turn out okay. Going through the international security gates was a big and scary step, one that I had to consciously choose to make.

Passport check in Schiphol was also scary—in anticipation, not in fact—but I didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter.

So there I was, in Amsterdam. My family, who’d flown from Montreal and had arrived a couple hours earlier, were waiting for me at that big checkered cube thing that’s apparently a popular meeting spot.

Then we set out for Brussels. The first week would be spent going around Belgium, the second week would be for Amsterdam.

Some shenigans with trains followed—shit happens, right, and I’m sure the train system is tops, but there was work being done on some tracks which required us to take a longer route, and then we had to switch trains at Rotterdam for some reason that I forget right now.

Aside from that I really enjoyed the journey. It looks like the Netherlands doesn’t do suburbs, or at least not the North American kind. There’s no big urban sprawl of big detached houses. All I saw was either (a) a lot of row houses in small towns or conurbations, or (b) bigger houses in rural settings, nothing in between. I approve of this. We talk about promoting densified living but the Dutch have got this shit figured out. Plus, people on bikes. So many people on bikes. Plus quaint little canals. And wind turbines in fields. And I saw my first windmill! It was just from a distance and went by too fast for me to take a picture, but that’s okay. I’ll take more.

On our real first day we went on a bus tour of the cities of Ghent and Bruges. I took so, so many pictures, and for the first time, I couldn’t decide which would be my hashtag-dailypic.

But then my brother and I decided to climb the Bruges belfry, and the choice was clear.

On day 2 we stayed in Brussels and visited a few churches, museums, and neat public places. The Grand-place, just a block from our hotel, was particularly impressive with its neo-Gothic façades and ornately decorated spire. Since we had some extra time to kill I proposed we go visit the Atomium. Turned out to be even better than I expected, with great views of the surrounding area and a nice dose of 50s retro-futurism. Plus, we learned how to get around the Brussels metro, which is never a bad skill to have.

That evening after everyone else retired to their rooms, I was feeling restless and in need of some air and photo opportunities. I quickly checked out Google Maps and found a few likely spots, then set out.

My official pic of the day was of a building bathed in the light of the setting sun, but in hindsight maybe I should have waited a bit and made a picture of the Anspach Fountain my official one. But no take-backsies! Is that going to be a rule? I don’t know.

On day 3 we visited the little university town of Louvain-la-Neuve, where my family and I lived way back in ’79. It’s a nice place, with some pretty students enjoying the warm spring weather, but as for reminiscing? Ehh. It was too long ago, the memories are too dim, and most everything’s changed so much anyway.

Oh well, I’m not upset about it. The point of this trip was to create new memories anyway, not revisit old ones.

Plus, the Hergé Museum! We happily spent a couple hours there.

Part of me kind of wanted to head out tonight, but no landmarks caught my eye, I’m too tired. Fortunately I saw that coming, and snapped a picture of Rue du Marché aux Poulets. It showed the lovely textures of old town streets like this one, the varied materials, colours, window styles and window heights, signs of a city growing organically over centuries. And, a few modern signs. That’s not a bad thing. People here live with the old, but are not bound by it. Touches of modern are good, as long as you respect the foundations.

I don’t think I’m ready to do themes yet.

Some of my inspirations last year did them. Or at least, I think they did. Their photos had very general one-word captions that felt like special challenges or something. I’m not there yet. Maybe next year?

Mind you, I’m getting better at finding interesting angles and combinations of objects. Case in point: a bunch of tulips near St. Paul’s, such lovely warm colours. They caught my eye but at first I didn’t really know what do do with them. Just shooting them “head on” didn’t feel right, even from near ground level. Been there, done that.

But then, I noticed the rainbow flag flying from the side of the church, and managed to get he tulips and the flag in the same shot. So thanks, St. Paul’s, for being LGBTQ-friendly and giving me a nice photo. And also for hosting the VMC Xmas show, that is da bomb.

The next two shots fit the “little things” motif to different degrees. Little birdhouses hanging from trees in the West End? The Hobbit House, which turns out to be an outreach centre run by the Baptists? Sure, why not. I mean, the latter doesn’t actually have any Hobbits (probably) but Hobbits are small. And it’s a small house. I’m curious how old it is, though. The name feels very hippy, but the place looks older than that. Interestingly, I don’t remember any Heritage sign.

I wanted to continue the theme on day 124, but seriously, how could I resist the sight of Bute & Barclay? The green-clad trees reachin towards the blue sky, shading pedestrians underneath them? Absolutely perfect.

The sky wasn’t so blue the following day, but it gave me a weird tableau that I don’t think would have existed without the rain. Discarded shoes, wet benches, and… a rusty can hanging from a chain? I don’t get it, but the overall feeling was one of loss and loneliness. And curiosity, because what’s the story here? I captioned it “catching the rain” but is that what’s going on? I don’t know, and I probably never will.

3/5 of these days were nice and sunny. Not a bad number for this time of year!

The pattern here is me looking up. Which is not a bad thing: I’ve consciously tried to look up, look down, look sideways, look anywhere but what’s right under my nose. That way lies laziness and a boring Instagram. And it is fun: to play with harsh contrasts, to celebrate blue skies in his city of mine, or take one last shot near Jericho Community Centre on the last day of volleyball and the last day of April.

Oh, and a voting selfie. That was an interesting experience. I was ready to skip it even though they had a wall and a hashtag all ready, but fuck it. This was a special experience, my only major election this year, and what’s the point of this photo-a-day project if not to capture special experiences?

Still, I also have to make sure I diversify. Life is more than just trees and blue skies.

There wasn’t much of a theme in these 5 days, except that it felt like a return to early days—fumbling, uncertain, more actively looking out for scenes to photograph. It’s a good feeling, if kind of frustrating. Flowers felt comfortable, y’know? They were everywhere, just begging to be captured on my phone. They were easy. So if the general feeling for Days 106–110 was “down, then up”, this was more like “wandering about with no sense of direction”.

And again, this is good. In addition to the frustration—which will and should never go away—I’m starting to have fun with it. Case in point, Chiaroscuro @ Blue Mountain Park. Self-deprecatingly pretentious? Yup. The joke is, after a bit of Wikipedia browsing, I don’t think I’m using the word wrong after all.

Then the following day, I had the urge to swing by Jericho Beach after volleyball. I had been there in ages, and I figured there’d be plenty of opportunities for photos. So I walked around the park, then got to the beach and sat down to rest my weary feet. When I noticed those crows I couldn’t resist, and I also couldn’t resist pretentiously captioning it like some artiste presenting their work in a gallery.

Days 114 and 115 were a bit less out-of-the-box, I’ll admit. Oh well, we can’t be on every day.

This was a much more varied five days. After a brilliant curtain of white cherry blossoms on Saturday, I vegetated for most of the long weekend. Finally took my lazy ass out for a walk on the Seawall Sunday around sunset, where I snapped a ton of lovely photos; I finally decided on a silhouette of a tree against the clouds—such a gorgeous contrast of blacks and whites and blues.

Monday was not very nice at all, but I again went for a walk on the Seawall (twice in a row? Sure, why not. I’d already done enough of the Village, but not enough water shots), but it was not a long one since the weather was yucky. A quick shot of Sunset Beach from near the ferry terminal, and that was that.

Tuesday on the way to work, I was captivated by the sight of a large white flower already somewhat dried and wilted. Now there’s symbolism… it fit with my general mood (back to the salt mines after a long weekend) and the weather, so even though I might have liked a nice happy flower photo, this was too good to pass up.

Wednesday I went to the biweekly nerd quiz thing at the Storm Crow Alehouse, and decided to walk across Granville Bridge. A nice bit of exercise, plus I’d get a nice shot of Burrard Bridge! But it just goes to show: even planned shots don’t always turn out like you expect. I snapped some pics of the bridge head-on, but somehow I felt there was something missing. It wasn’t until I was near the south end that I got the best point of view: the mountains and the West End and the busy marina, all combining into a harmonious whole. The landmark I’d wanted was way in the background, but it turns out I didn’t need it like I thought I did. A different point of view unlocked a much better result.

Thursday, a heads-up shot, like I’d done the previous week. Except this time the angle was much sharper, the sky was blue, and the building was wreathed in leaves, not flowers.

Sign of the times. So it’s okay if flowers fade, it’s okay if skies turn grey, every day will bring us more beauty. Just got to wait and see.

It’s that time of year, what did we expect?

But hey, it’s not just cherry blossoms! Vancouver and surrounding areas sport tons of different flowers, most of which were just sort of… in the background. I don’t really know much about flowers, to be honest, but I learned a little this week.

On Tuesday evening I got off the bus at Broughton, and took a photo of one of the highrise condos there, framed by cherry blossom branches. I thought that had potential, so I kept it in reserve. But then I ended up using a similar photo I took at Haro & Jervis, of a building framed by magnolia flowers. I wish there had been a little more light, but I love the contrast of hard lines and fleshy curves. Plus, I think the sandy beige and soft pink work quite well together.

The following day I revisited those condos, and after playing around with different perspectives, settled on a lovely reflection shot framed by an abundance of cherry blossoms.

And then I thought, maybe this is going to be a theme? Nicolas Looking Up At Buildings Along With Some Flowers? But that didn’t happen because the following morning I spied some amazing fuchsia-coloured flowers, still wet from the rain, and I couldn’t resist. A little googling told me they’re called Azaleas; varieties come in all sorts of colours, but they all seem to have the same basic shape (5 large raggedy petals) and a weird pattern of little dots in the topmost petal. I guess that’s to signal bees, or whichever pollinators prefer azaleas in the wild?

The next day starred some pretty little bell-shaped flowers, with a pearly white colour. More googling told me they’re called lily-of-the-valley or Pieri “Forest Flame” , a.k.a. muguet in French. I know those flowers, we had a few growing in our backyard in Ottawa. I think. I don’t remember largish bushes or dark green leaves. Also the flowers were more spherical, and a more solid white. So… regional variations? Two completely different plants? I’m really not sure.

Saturday was our first outdoor Taiji practice in a long while, at Blue Mountain Park. The sun was shining (most of the time), it was warm-ish, so I celebrated by shooting some of the local cherry blossoms.

The flowers may not be here for long, though. Some are wilting and drying, and a whole bunch of trees are already shedding their petals. It’s a bit sad, but I’m okay with it. To everything there is a season.